Doing it on your own
Raising kids obviously doesn't come with a manual. All these book claiming they have the perfect techniques tend to miss the fact that each child is different.
My journey so far has been met with a lot of mothers who feel obligated to tell me what my kids should or shouldn't be doing. I suspect behind closed doors their 'perfect kids' are a challenge to them from time to time.
I realise that no one really knows what their doing and we are all just working it out as we go along. I wish everyone was honest about this This one fact could have saved me a lot of self doubt and sleepless nights wondering if I'm doing it right.
I love my two kids and I've been blessed to have them more than their mother. During my relationship with their mum, there was constant criticism of decisions I make for the kids. From clothes and diet to toys ( the list is endless) it just never seemed good enough for her which left me feeling that i was no good.
Since the separation my confidence in my ability to be a great father has increase tremendously. I still get those moments of self doubt but its becoming less intense and less often.
Staying with someone just for the kids is apparently a common thing. I did it and I'm sure there are many more people in shitty relationships or marriages thinking that's the best decision for the kids too. In reality, staying together for the children results in kids believing that's the example of how a relationship should be. And if its a really bad relationship they'll get to witness a whole load of twisted crap that will take their therapist years to untangle.
I understand now that our children learn more from what we do than what we say.
I had to take a step back and work on me. What kind of person do I want to be? what kind of father do I want to be? If I die today what do I want said about me?.
These questions helped me take a step back and see where I am and where I want to be.
I feel that striving to be a better version of myself will ultimately have a positive impact on my children, challenging them to be not only a better version of them selves but a better version of me.